"Somebody's Watching Me" Athletic Shorts
- Made to order — Receive in ~6–9 business days
- Ships from USA — $4.95 (Free over $65)
- 100% Satisfaction Guarantee — <1% refund rate.
Channel the Olympic Peninsula’s most famous conspiracy theories in these 2.5" performance shorts, featuring a playful extraterrestrial peeking through ferns, mushrooms, and rocks. Perfect for runners who check over their shoulder, swimmers who suspect lake-bottom UFOs, and gym-goers who know the truth is out there (and possibly spotting them on the elliptical).
Built for Suspiciously Good Performance
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91% recycled polyester/9% spandex moves like you’re being chased (four-way stretch for sudden evasive maneuvers)
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UPF 50+ fabric blocks rays—sunlight and possibly other kinds
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2.5" inseam keeps you cool during both cardio and crisis moments
Alien-Grade Features
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Moisture-wicking fabric handles sweat, lake water, and nervous perspiration equally well
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Mesh side pockets secure your keys (and tin foil hat, folded discreetly)
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Globally sourced because extraterrestrial encounters happen everywhere
Size guide
| WAIST (inches) | HIPS (inches) | |
| XS | 29 ⅞ | 37 |
| S | 31 ½ | 38 ⅝ |
| M | 33 ⅛ | 40 ⅛ |
| L | 36 ¼ | 43 ¼ |
| XL | 39 ⅜ | 46 ½ |
| 2XL | 42 ½ | 49 ⅝ |
| 3XL | 45 ⅝ | 52 ¾ |
Made to Order: All items are custom-made just for you to ensure high quality and less waste.
Delivery Time: Expect 6–9 business days total (3–5 days to make your item + 3–4 days for U.S. shipping).
Tracking: You’ll receive a tracking link via email the moment your order ships.
Our Guarantee: Because items are custom-made, we only issue replacements or refunds if your order arrives damaged or incorrect.
Need a Fix? Contact us at help@kairnu.life within 30 days of delivery with photos of the issue, and we’ll issue a free replacement or refund!
